My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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