I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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