new low.... made out with someone while peeing
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I think your dad took our porno
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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