I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
