omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
