You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
