Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
