Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
