do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
