i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
