my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
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