I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
