Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
