I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
