I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
