a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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