so explain again why im purple
no
I didn't shave. On purpose
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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