I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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