Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
