Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
