I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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