He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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