3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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