I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
