I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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