i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
