I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
