Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
