It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
