can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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