i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
