the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
