and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
did you just send me my own nude
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
