Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Randomize
