i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
