just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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