i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
