and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
