cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
it's like iHOP with fire
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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