I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
