if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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