somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
