I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
