I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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