You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I think I sprained my soul last night
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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