So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Randomize
