I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
