i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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