I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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