I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
