that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
