The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
