I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
